Monday 4 July 2011

Nipple Slip

I figured I would open with a catchy title in order to draw the attention of the millions that are bound to be reading this blog. Its all downhill from now.

I did actually just expose my nipple though. I am hoping my over-eager neighbour didn't see, it might give him the wrong impression. I am typing this in my garden, this means I can't actually see my laptop screen being as it is brighter than the sun out here. Fuck knows what I am typing.

Listening to loud music, sitting in the sun and reading a good book is the way all days should be spent. If only I could erase the sunburn and blistered forehead. I burn far too easily, blistered foreheads are pretty cool though, maybe I could pretend it was from saving people from a house fire. Although that suggests I have a protruding forehead.I really am quite gifted at writing nothing. I quite literally type what spews out of my head. I think I should be a professional writer for a newspaper like The Daily Mail. I would be awesome. I could come up with catchy headlines such as 'Immigrants to blame for everything' and then discuss two unrelated issues such as 'unemployment' and 'rape' and then link it back to brown people or something. I would be a brilliant racist.

My God its hot. I knew a racist that was a sunbed Queen, surely trying to change your skin colour goes against the racist way? Racism is clearly a complex issue.

I should probably stop typing now, I have managed to type a few paragraphs of utter drivel. What the hell do people write in blogs?! Maybe I should start writing poetry? Or share some of my wonderful song lyrics?

A snippet from the Rohyplol classic 'We Want Our Stuff Back'.

They steal our money and our women and our jobs.
We want our stuff back.

Its an anti-racism song....people never seem to get that though....

Saturday 2 July 2011

Facebook Woman

There are two flies in my living room. They keep flying around my head and buzzing. Its irritating.

Best first blog ever.

I also need a wee.

I wonder if my blog entries will get better after this one? I doubt it.

I have had an idea to raise money for a charity. Specifically for my friend Natalie (or Twatalie as I call her), she needs an egg doner and the whole procedure is very expensive. Anyway, would it work?

Has anyone ever read 'Diceman'? Well I am going to be 'Facebook Woman', I will do whatever facebook (that is the people on my friends list not the actual website itself) tells me to do, providing it will not harm others or get me arrested. So people give me requests, from time of day I have to leave my bed, to what I eat and do etc. And they sponser me. And they have to contribute money for suggestions.

Is this a stupid idea? Wanna sponsor me?